Mysteries of faith, seeking of miraculous signs, wonders, trying to have a direct personal relationship with God.
Wow these guys advertising a direct personal relationship with Jesus eh, they are really inviting you to disaster! (are they or are they not?)
What you get a direct personal relationship with is a shayateen, a evil demi urge. It tells you to blow stuff up, kill people, hate people, tries to convince you that you are so important, ruins your relationships.
Christian priests seem to say about this evil demi urge, that it is God, Jesus and the Father.
Wow.
Then they tell you you gotta forgive everything, especially pedophilia. ew.
Apparently these priests can't get anything right.
Seeking for miraculous signs, well, it happens, but what is going on no one can properly explain or simply has not properly explained at this time.
Mysteries of faith, well in Christianity the mystery is hmm, are you being oppressed by the worst criminals? Islam, similar story.
No but God does seem to answer some prayers, and some people have ESP apparently, extra sensory perception, highetened instincts. You may recieve warnings about the future. Some special powers may be seen in confrontations and fights. Seeming miracles, they do happen, you could call them wonders.
I wonder what happened with me, was it God or perhaps the evil demi urge, I don't know. Who helped me. Should I not praise the evil demi urge? It told me to hate my brother, to kill him even. I beat him up. He was drifting badly and had punched up my elderly father. I think though, the voice saying kill him, is evil perhaps.
People told me it was evil, that it was a devil.
I don't know though. Should we kill the children who beat their parents when they are old? Perhaps it is some old Klingon law. Perhaps we should execute people for various things, and enforce it, make them pay to discourage them from doing it, to encourage them to seek mental health help when they think they are going to commit a crime.
Maybe we should make it everyone's personal responsibility to kill child abusers, people who beat their elderly parents, murderers, anything worse than that.
That concords with ancient Mosaic law, which I have to admit, I admired as a child, though I found it incomplete. They didn't define everything, the nature of the offences, in the text of the holy book, so it was inadequate or something.
As a teenager I lost support for conservative law and old testament morality, the kids were having sex and doing drugs, I simply didn't want to stand there and say "I think you should be killed." I was afraid of being killed myself if I espoused Moses's law.
My sense that people were well beyond Moses's law did fuel my idea that God might destroy the world. Women were having group sex at the age of 14, taking drugs, getting raped, organized crime seemed to scandalize the youth, assault everyone, the ambient sense was there was this great threat against those who sought justice. Police informants were hurt badly, killed even. It was frightening.
The Church seemed to deny Moses's laws, putting instead in their place "unconditional love" which seemed to mean, "forgiving everything." I don't know who or what type of person was into that, but it didn't sit well with me. I figured the Church should dissuade people from going against the law, against God's wishes, against hurtful behaviors essentially.
The result was a sense of being alone. Not that I didn't have friends, but were any of my friendships really that "Real" or "royal"? I guess they were sort of shallow friendships, not based on deep feeling of mutual supportiveness, of mortal struggle together. There was no network, no resource, for resisting against the potential darkness, other than friends and family, for a while the idea that police might help persisted as a delusion. I would later find out it is kind of not so common for police to help. Perhaps if you pay the police, they will help you.
It was frustrating. The whole thing made me mistrust authority and adults in general. They seemed to endorse strange ideas and weird religions. Political studies made me distrust the politics of the right, while holding the politics of the left under careful scrutiny. History made me realize that adults had repeatedly embarked on huge slaughters over territory and wealth, for despotic regimes. Economics made me realize how unwilling humans were to address the economy head on, that all discussion was lateral, graced by indicators and general statements about the employment, gdp growth, productivity essentially. Anthropology taught me about primitive societies, who had strange superstitions and who were not keen to accept modern conveniences. Astronomy taught me how huge the universe was, and how many stars like ours there were, it made me think , "surely there is life on other worlds." Comparative religious studies taught me that there were many different views on religious topics, with common threads among different cultures; later on I would question whether these religious ideas were similar to the superstitions of primitive people.
Mysticism got me in touch with strange coincidences, it seemed that by invoking a God who loved you, you could observe some coincidences which were unusual. There were however this evil forces, bad Gods so to speak, who encouraged wrongdoing, who went against your will to obey the law. Oberying the moral code of most religion was not a matter of simple choice, it seemed that forces beyond our control drove us to commit sin, the religions I studied stated that "All that happens is God's will", ever since I had heard that I thought it was perverted. I figured it was because I was mentally ill, I lacked the willpower to completely control myself. So I wound up getting help.
The fact was as long as things weren't illegal by the state, I was more willing to do them. So I had sexual relationships. I found I just really wanted to have sex and even though I could go to hell, I had to do it.
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